Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize