hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
