is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
