Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
