I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
