new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
