I hate all girls vehemently.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
