these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
