she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
