It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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