Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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