i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
