How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
