Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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