just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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