He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
