Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize