i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ruined the universe
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize