im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
