I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
