Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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