We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
