I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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