How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize