you traded sex for a burrito?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize