So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
