she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
