That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
