Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
