this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
