I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
