hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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