Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
