So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
