her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
