coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
