Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
