I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
