im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My life is pants optional.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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