I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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