Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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