Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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