that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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