explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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