dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
