she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
