I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
