I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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