About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
