Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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