I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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