Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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