He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
