I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
