the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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