I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
