I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
