Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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