You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize