her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
