he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
