i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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