i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize