Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
