I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
