Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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