No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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